Youth Ministry!

So I have some exciting news to share. You might know that I have a real strong heart for working in youth ministry, and for that matter, that this is something I haven't done for a while. Having settled well into my new life in PA, I started attending a church nearby last January (the first time in nearly a decade that my home congregation is a Sunday church and not a messianic congregation). It turns out one of the areas where they've had a need for more volunteers is in their youth ministry!

I started joining them a few weeks ago in the classes they have during the Sunday morning service. I also got to go to a pool party they had this past Sunday. I'm talking w/ the youth pastor to see what service opportunities are available (teaching, planning activities, etc.). It's definitely a different feel than the last youth group I was involved with, carrying with it a new set of challenges. I'm enjoying it, though, looking forward to what lies ahead, and thankful that God is, once again, giving me the desires of my heart.

It happened for the first time.

So I've been up here in PA for a little over a year now. I visit home quite frequently as it's not even three hours away, but of course most of my time is spent near the rolling hills and pastures of Amish country. Now this isn't the first time I've lived for an extended period of time away from home (there was that year I spent mostly in Arkansas and on some travels, and let's not forget the better part of a year and 1/2 that I spent in Richmond), but what hit me as I finally made it into Herndon on Mother's Day came quite unexpectedly - the official feeling that I was no longer "visiting home", just visiting Herndon. I love making the drive down to see friends and family, but it no longer feels like home to me. It truly was an awesome and sobering experience. PA is where I am, and it is where I belong.

As I look back on the year and two months that now trail behind me, I'm so glad I made the move up here. It was nice getting to spend the majority of my twenties being a "Tarzan visionary", as I call it (i.e. "Lemme swing over here, check this out, and see how it looks. Cool, now I'm going to swing over there and see what that looks like."), but I can honestly say that I've come to a place of rest now where I can commit to something practical over the long-term, not just a "vision" that will come into fruition at some point in the future. I guess this is all part of growing up, something that we never stop doing (or at least never should). I'm enjoying learning what it means to mature without losing a childlike heart. Thank You, God, for Your direction in my life.

"The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou [art] with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever." - Psalm 23 (KJV)

Dehydration (Another worship song written in spring '07)

"O God, You are my God. I will seek You early in the morning. My soul thirsts for You, my flesh longs for You in a dry and thirsty land where there is no water." - Psalm 63:1

Dehydration

I am a desperate man

Hungering for truth

Thirsting for it like water

As I wander through this desert

This desert of Your presence

(Where are You?)

This desert of Your presence

(Where are You?)

Please hear my cry

And quiet these raging waters in my soul

They're drowning me away

They're drowning me away

This can't be Your will

You that made me in Your image

I am Your child and I know

You still have a sovereign plan

I am still in Your hand

So please answer this desperation

That I may understand

The things that come between us

That leave me in this paralyzing state

Oh, God Who raised the dead

I'll trust every word that You said

But only by a strength that comes from You

So hear me now and answer the cries of my heart

Touch me Lord, and give me a fire anew

That I may serve You

For I am Your child

I know this is true

And what would I be without You?

Without You, what would I be?

What would I be?

What would I be?

What would I be?

"My God! My God! Why have You forsaken me?" (Psalm 22:1a; Matthew 27:46c; Mark 15:34c)

Whisper (A worship song written in spring of '07)

"To some G-d calls in a whisper, to others with a shout - depending on how close they are to Him." - Rabbi Nachman of Breslow

"...And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice. And it was so, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle, and went out, and stood in the entering in of the cave...," - I Kings 19:11b-13a (KJV)



Whisper


I heard a distant echo
From the caverns of my heart
I had to listen closely just to find out what it was
The sound was my desire crying out to You, saying,
"Speak here in a whisper."

So here I am before Your feet
Waiting patiently to hear
In silence I will listen and obey,
But if I turned my back on You
And ran so far away
Would You still call me in the thunder
Like You did before in days of long ago?

So call me in the thunder
And draw me back to You
Kiss the tears as they run down my face
And as You hold me near You
Pour Yourself out on me
And fill these empty caverns crying out
"Speak here in a whisper."
"Speak here in a whisper."
"Speak here in a whisper."
"Speak here in a whisper."

Drink (To Disconnect) - A Poem written on Thanksgiving Day, 2006

Inspired in part by the writings of Donald Miller, and by observations from the experiences God took me through during my time in NYC (fall '06)

To disconnect
And live in peace
Embracing now
This sweet release

To cease and desist from asking, "Why?"
For fear that in this, my soul would die
By the underlying worry that accompanies such
When life doesn't seem to be going much
The way I'd hoped
The way I'd planned
The way I thought it would someday be
Even though I know that it still someday could

Be thankful for the things you have
You might not now, but you'd be glad
If, after waking one day to find that they're lost
The sun does not go down without their return
For family, for friends, and treasured memories
Upon which no price can be laid
No cost to be paid
Treasure these deep within your heart

Blink, think, take a drink
For a moment, but sip
Slow down the empty pace of your caffeinated life
And take in slowly
The beauty of all that is around you
And be thankful that God has given you this day
Who knows but that it could be the best day of your life
A little bit of gratitude can give you such an attitude
That you see the good in everything around
Even when it seems that all you see is darkness
Hope lies in the light at the end of the tunnel
Keep moving on

But hide yourself in accomplishments
In all that this world rewards
And ask yourself at the end of the day
When all is said and done
And after all you've said and done
You're all done
Having done
More than Einstein
More than Edison
More than any man, woman, or child that ever walked the face of this planet Earth
Are you happy?
Do you find yourself fulfilled
Having pushed away the weightier matters
Burdening your soul with the lighter substance?

But let's return to our drink
For a moment
Taking in all that you consider precious
And sip
Again
Like I said
Why not stop and enjoy this moment
Slowly
While you have it
Who knows how long you will?
And if you miss the beauty of it all, can you ever get it back?

So drink, slowly, the sweet substance of life
Even if for a moment, it may change your whole perspective
And take it in with gratefulness in your heart
Draining away all your worries and cares
And be thankful that at least you've been given this much, if nothing else
Take it from someone who's learned the hard way
Thank God, thank God, thank God for this beautiful day
It is a gift from Him just for you, and He would never take it back, no matter what
So why would you?
Drink.

These Lamps On My Feet

Another Myspace extraction. This one was written in July '06, when I was putting myself to the challenge of writing at least two blogs per day (hence the mention of specific deadlines). I had no clue that it would be the beginning of a journey in faith which lasts to this very day (had I know, I probably would've been a little more hesitant to write, hehehe :o) ...........

Ok, this is actually cheating when you look at the heart of the matter here, but the funny thing about rules is that it's so easy to find the loopholes which totally defeats the point for making the rules to begin with (by cheating I'm referring to the fact that I'm actually getting ready to say something rather deep & theological & all backed up w/ Scripture...ok, well, hypotheticaly at least...but I have....HOLY CRAP!!! 15 MIN! That's about how much time I have left to meet my 2-blog-minimum requirement for today. So the cheat factor? Basically I'm trying to write about something that's too deep to be truly finished in that amount of time, but in order for the blog to be legitimate, it still has to read as a complete thought. So basically this is going to be a micro-blog [i.e. a microwaved blog vs. an oven-cooked one]. Ah, well. You're the only one that's suffering from that, not me, so I guess that makes it ok, right? I take well to the thought of putting others before myself. I mean, come on, isn't it obvious?).

Wow! Did I just write all of that in parentheses? Lame. Way lame. That is no accomplishment for someone in my situation. DEAR GOD, PLEASE HELP ME!!!! ALL MY RAMBLING JUST COST ME 3 MORE MINUTES, AND I NEVER EVEN ONCE STARTED WHAT IN ABOUT 12 MINUTES NEEDS TO BE A COMPLETE THOUGHT! Did I mention I'm also very good at time management? No? Well you knew that, too.

Ok, so my thought. What are these lamps on my feet? I mean, seriously, I'm not joking, and this is a riddle. I'm out on a dusty road, it's well past sundown, and what are these lamps doing on my feet? The riddle - who am I?

Let that thought sink in. Now, I don't think I'm gonna have time to get the reference for this (I'm also a good journalist, you know, making sure I have all my research before me in time to meet deadlines? Oh yeah! Smokin! I am what they call in my culture "the man", and I am only saying that b/c I am ever so humble as to care that you should be so informed:)~ There's a good chance you've heard the saying, that there's a way that seems right to a man, but the end of it is destruction. On the other hand, narrow is the path to life, and there are only so few that find it. If you've ever seen Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, you might even remember a seen towards the end that illustrates this point (the clue is diamond-studded cup).

So what does that have to do w/ these lamps on my feet, & could somebody please answer the riddle and tell me who I am!?! I'm having an identity crisis, here! Well, about the lamps, does it remind you of any verses in the Bible (or songs by Amy Grant that are, oh, I don't know, directly related to the passage in reference)? It's in Psalms ("Tehillim" as some of you might know the "sefer", random fact of the day for you all of you little Hebrew scholars [you're something I am most certainly not, you've got me there]:). Here it is (exact reference not included;sorry, 4 minutes to go): "Your Word is as a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path." Now, who in here guessed that in the riddle, I am the Psalmist, David? Anybody? Anybody? EEEEENNNNGGGHH! Wrong answer (come on, I'm a sucker-puncher, what were you expecting?). But did you guest that I was one of the priests in "Old Testament" times? Wow! I'm impressed.

The priests would have a small oil lamp at the end of their sandals (as my understanding of the story goes) to give them just enough light for the next step, and the point of this is that God intends us for adventure. That's right, think about it. If I already know what's going to happen, what adventure is there? What need do I have to trust in God? But if all I see is just enough light for the next step...hmm...I dunno. I don't think most of us would sign up for that insurance policy. But what truly great story exists without the element of dire risk added to the conflict, where you somehow know (as if by faith) that things will turn out alright in the end? This is where I'm at right now, this is where I want to live the rest of my life, and I invite you to try on a pair of these sandals.

Blind Excavation of an Undead Heart

Ok, guilty confession. I'm not writing anything fresh, here, b/c to do so would be compromising value (the month's been very busy, so I haven't had the time to come up w/ something decent). Nevertheless, the material is fresh on this blog. I dug this out from something I wrote on Myspace almost 3 years ago. It explains the beginning of a journey I've been on which culminated in my decision to study math & physics. I felt like it was good for me to re-visit this, so I thought I'd share it w/ you here, too....

Hmm...what am I trying to write here? Good question, huh? Yes? No? Well, I don't care what your answer is. It's not you I'm asking that question to, obviously, therefore I am the judge and I say it's a good one. Seriously, though. For me it is. See, I've been going through a lot of changes in my perspectives on life, lately. It's kinda hard to explain, really, at least in a nutshell...then again, EVERYTHING's hard for me to explain in a nutshell. Basically what I'm getting at is this. We grow up, we grow old, we eat, we sleep, we live, we breathe, we die. Somewhere between kindergarten and the memorial service, we forget who we are, we forget what we are, and for that matter, we forget that we once knew why we exist. Ok, I'm trying not to make that sound to cliche, but seriously. We start off in life so young, fresh, full of ideas and excitement, then we just get distracted from all of that.

I took a trip to the National Air and Space Museum the other week, just for the heck of it. How often do you do that in your busy life, just do something b/c you feel like doing it? I haven't done that much lately. So I went, truth be told I actually just went b/c I wanted to get this stuff called "space ice cream" which I hadn't had in forever (give or take a few years, of course). It was so nice just to remember what it was like being a kid again. The world looked so different in a way. Memories were coming back to me that I hadn't thought of in years, so vividly it was as if I was re-living them. It was so strange, I couldn't explain it all, only that I was starting to regain a certain sense of purpose, the path of which I had been distracted from a long time ago, and it's taking me on a journey which I didn't anticipate. I don't know where this journey leads, but I want to find out. Am I beginning again, or am I merely continuing, having been on pause all these years? I don't know, but I'm glad to know that I'm gonna find out.

Anyway, so much more I could say, but that'll come later. Let me know your thoughts, if maybe you've been experiencing the same thing, yourself. I'd love to hear.

(excerpt from a comment I made in response to someone's question):

I've dealt w/ a lot of frustration over the fact that I know I'm gifted in a way that's rare, but how all of my giftings are supposed to function harmoniously remained a mystery to me. Then I realized that what's always fascinated me, be it about math, science, ancient history,...about God...is this whole idea of mystery, that there's so much we don't know. Throughout my entire life, I've always loved to challenge people's assumptions and shatter their illusions, and now I'm starting to understand why. Beyond that, it's a long story, but the nutshell is that my heart is returning to that place of wonder, being fascinated by the Creator when beholding His creation, and I'm learning that while I may have chosen writing as my focus in life instead of some field of science, I can still study about the things that fascinate me and express it in my writing. Thanks for asking:)