So what have I been up to since coming here to Coatesville? Good question (thought you'd never ask:) Well, I've had a few things in the works since the beginning of this year (some from even before then). There are about 6 ongoing writing projects, which include 3 sci-fi scripts, 1 suspense/thriller, 1 drama (inspired by a true story), and a fictional story that I'm writing as a book (not quite sure if I want to put that one to screen, yet). There's also a long-term research project that I'm working on (and I mean loooooong-term....it will probably consume the rest of my life and those of many others in the process) which deals w/ the history of developments in science (as well as other areas). To that end, I'm doing a lot of reading, including The Elements by Euclid, an in-depth biography of Albert Einstein, tons of books on physics, some on linguistics, one on church history, another on biblical history, and many, many more. There's more I could go into, but that's the gist of it (you'll get to hear about the other stuff in future blogs).
So life is keeping me pretty busy these days, but I'm glad I get to be busy doing the things I love. Well, I guess that's a wrap for now. See'ya next blog!
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Transitioning to Philly: Phase two...ish...
Well, big news, big news. As of the second week of June, I transferred jobs and am in Coatesville full-time, now. So what's the new schedule looking like these days? Well.......
Mon. morn. - Wake up, get ready, man the reception desk
Mon. afternoon - staff meeting, other duties as assigned
Mon. evening - staff dinner
Mon. night - relax, unwind, go to bed
Tues. - Fri. - wake up, get ready, help out around the base (duties vary from one day to the next), eat lunch, read (or do some small chores), leave for work around 2, get back around 11
Fri. after work - help out 'til 2 at the curfew center (a program we started working w/ that helps facilitate the local curfew restriction for minors)
Sat. morn. - sleep in (YAAAAAAWN!)
Sat. afternoon - Bible study in Philly (www.bethemanuel.org)
Sat. evening - Enjoy the day
Sat. night - Curfew center (10p.m. 'til 2a.m.)
Sun. morn. - sleep in (YAWN! YAWN! YAWN! YAWN! YAWN!)
Sun. (rest of the day) - chores and whatever else I have time for (hang out w/ staff, visit a local church, go to downtown Philly, etc.)
So the busyness remains, but it's nice not having to be constantly moving back and forth between here and the good ol' VA. I'm really liking it here, all things considered. Pennsylvania's such a beautiful state, and there's so much to explore. I'm looking forward to being here for the long-term.
Mon. morn. - Wake up, get ready, man the reception desk
Mon. afternoon - staff meeting, other duties as assigned
Mon. evening - staff dinner
Mon. night - relax, unwind, go to bed
Tues. - Fri. - wake up, get ready, help out around the base (duties vary from one day to the next), eat lunch, read (or do some small chores), leave for work around 2, get back around 11
Fri. after work - help out 'til 2 at the curfew center (a program we started working w/ that helps facilitate the local curfew restriction for minors)
Sat. morn. - sleep in (YAAAAAAWN!)
Sat. afternoon - Bible study in Philly (www.bethemanuel.org)
Sat. evening - Enjoy the day
Sat. night - Curfew center (10p.m. 'til 2a.m.)
Sun. morn. - sleep in (YAWN! YAWN! YAWN! YAWN! YAWN!)
Sun. (rest of the day) - chores and whatever else I have time for (hang out w/ staff, visit a local church, go to downtown Philly, etc.)
So the busyness remains, but it's nice not having to be constantly moving back and forth between here and the good ol' VA. I'm really liking it here, all things considered. Pennsylvania's such a beautiful state, and there's so much to explore. I'm looking forward to being here for the long-term.
Friday, June 12, 2009
The Art of Gracefully Coming Undone, and the Beauty of Surrender (In Conclusion)
A friend of mine once said something that really made an impact on me: "Never trust a man who walks without a limp." This saying is so beautiful, if you understand the story from which it originates (it is one of my favorites).
In the 32nd chapter of Genesis (the first book in the Bible), the character Jacob is wrestling w/ an angel. Now this isn't your typical wrestling match that lasts a few minutes, maybe 5 at the most. No, this match lasts throughout the entire night! There's something interesting about the timing in which this took place, as well.
Earlier on in the story of Jacob's life, he took advantage of his brother, Esau, on two separate occasions. Now, this wasn't your typical, "Oh, Jacob charged a little extra interest on Esau's loan," kind of situation that we're talking about here. No. The first time, Esau was absolutely famished, so Jacob made a deal w/ him that he would give him some food in exchange for his birthright. "Fair is fair," one might say, though, as Esau did agree to this without hesitation ("I feel like I'm about to die. What good will my birthright do me?" - Gen. 25:32 [paraphrased]). The second time Jacob took advantage of Esau, however, he went right behind his back to do it. The longer version of the story is in Gen. 27:1-41, but to put it in short, Jacob went to his father, Isaac, pretending to be Esau so that he could get his brother's blessing (to put it in modern terms, he basically got Esau's portion of the will).
As you might imagine, Esau wasn't too happy about this (to put it more accurately, he wanted to kill Jacob, which would explain why Jacob took off running indefinitely). So, fast forward to where we left off. Genesis 32. Many years have passed since Jacob last saw his brother Esau, and he figured he would try to make amends w/ him. After Jacob sent his servants to Esau's home terrain w/ a message of reconciliation. The servants returned saying that Esau was coming to meet him...along w/ 400 other men. Needless to say, Jacob was rather terrified at this point. He sent away his servants and his family who carried all of his possessions w/ them, and we're left w/ the chilling, sobering words, "And Jacob was left alone," before the angelic visitor shows up for the showdown.
"(Do not) say in your heart, 'My power and the ability of my hand has gotten me this wealth. Remember the Lord your God, b/c He is the One Who gives you power to get wealth...," (Dt. 8:17-18)
Have you ever prided yourself in your abilities or your possessions? Have you ever stopped to consider that maybe you don't deserve half the credit you give yourself? As Jacob's wrestling match comes to an end, his competitor exclaims, "Let me go, already! The sun is about to rise!", but Jacob gives a resounding reply, "I will not let you go unless you bless me!" Why would Jacob ask for a blessing? He already got this from his father. What more could he ask for? A blessing from God, that's what. "No longer will your name be called Jacob, but Israel, b/c you have power like a prince w/ God and w/ men, and you have prevailed." (Gen. 32:28)
The heart of Jacob was nothing short of persistent, and he was blessed tremendously for this (as the Scripture goes, "The kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force." [Mt. 11:12]). This blessing did not come without a cost, however, and a great one, at that. Verse 25 of this chapter tells us that the stranger with whom he was wrestling touched the hollow of his thigh and put it out of joint, and we already know that Jacob was all by himself. To put it in short, Jacob had to be stripped of anything and everything until there was nothing left but him (ok, maybe not every single thing; the text seems to indicate he still got to keep his clothes, thank God). Jacob received a blessing from on high that would give him a sense of his true destiny - one that no man (not even his father), could give him - but he had to come to the utter end of himself to get there (and even then, the story tells us that he was left w/ a limp, probably as a solemn reminder from God to help keep him in humility).
So my friend said, "Never trust a man who walks without a limp," which is to say, never trust someone who acts like they have it all together. We are all broken vessels reeling from the fall. Our human efforts, no matter how noble, no matter how accoladed, still fall so short of the holiness, the splendor, the awesome power of Who God is (need some more Scriptures to chew on there? Ok - Rom. 3:23, Phil. 3:4-8, and while you're at it, consider Ex. 33:17-23 in light of Dt. 34:10). This is the art of gracefully coming undone, and the beauty of surrender.
"Great, Jimmy, but what does that have to do w/ the last two blogs?" Glad to hear you say that. I thought you'd never ask:) Throughout life, it's been easy for me to try to hide behind a shell of talents and potential, to say things just the right way so that people would like me, but still keep them at a safe distance. God's been teaching me a lot, however, about what it means to truly let go. It's not easy. I'm not gonna lie. There are still plenty of times when I want to keep my walls up, when I get frustrated trying to explain myself, when I feel like there's a wellspring of thoughts, ideas, opinions, and emotions within that I just don't know how to let out, when I want nothing more than to walk off to some cabin in the woods and drown myself in reading books, writing poems, playing my guitar, coming up with theories, solving puzzles, and just be left the heck alone. However.......I've come to believe that God makes each of us different in ways that benefit one another (so that we can learn to appreciate what each of us has to offer), and that require one another (lest we get too heady and highminded in our own right, thinking that we can make it through life just fine on our own).
I was recently at a Bible study that lasted a few hours. It's hard to say that there was a central point of discussion, even though we were all reading from a very specific passage. It was more like the conversation took various twists and turns, each of them enriching us with truth, despite how unrelated the wanderings of discussion may have seemed. Somebody brought up the point that walking in biblical community means living life without our masks (to paraphrase). "This is one of the things Scripture is talking about when it says 'iron sharpens iron'" the leader of the discussion pointed out. It suddenly hit me - iron sharpening iron, refining as gold, circumcision - the pictures God uses in Scripture to teach us about growth are anything but comfortable. Yes, there is a "balm of Gilead" to be poured out, but sometimes we forget that this anesthetic is administered after the surgery is finished.
I am reminded of something I've been saying for years, now, that if there's nothing that you're willing to die for, there's nothing you truly live for (that is, if you don't have a purpose in life that means so much to you that you would rather die than give it up, then you're obviously gripped by the fear of death; as long as fear has you in its grip, you will not know the fullness of life). Well, if I've been saying for so long that death is nothing to be afraid of, what's a little growing pain back down from, then? I will grow, I will move on in life, I will continue to have my struggles b/c I'm not perfect, but that's ok. I will live in such a way that no matter how hard I trip over myself and fall, my hope remains in Someone greater than myself. I'm learning to walk w/ a limp.
In the 32nd chapter of Genesis (the first book in the Bible), the character Jacob is wrestling w/ an angel. Now this isn't your typical wrestling match that lasts a few minutes, maybe 5 at the most. No, this match lasts throughout the entire night! There's something interesting about the timing in which this took place, as well.
Earlier on in the story of Jacob's life, he took advantage of his brother, Esau, on two separate occasions. Now, this wasn't your typical, "Oh, Jacob charged a little extra interest on Esau's loan," kind of situation that we're talking about here. No. The first time, Esau was absolutely famished, so Jacob made a deal w/ him that he would give him some food in exchange for his birthright. "Fair is fair," one might say, though, as Esau did agree to this without hesitation ("I feel like I'm about to die. What good will my birthright do me?" - Gen. 25:32 [paraphrased]). The second time Jacob took advantage of Esau, however, he went right behind his back to do it. The longer version of the story is in Gen. 27:1-41, but to put it in short, Jacob went to his father, Isaac, pretending to be Esau so that he could get his brother's blessing (to put it in modern terms, he basically got Esau's portion of the will).
As you might imagine, Esau wasn't too happy about this (to put it more accurately, he wanted to kill Jacob, which would explain why Jacob took off running indefinitely). So, fast forward to where we left off. Genesis 32. Many years have passed since Jacob last saw his brother Esau, and he figured he would try to make amends w/ him. After Jacob sent his servants to Esau's home terrain w/ a message of reconciliation. The servants returned saying that Esau was coming to meet him...along w/ 400 other men. Needless to say, Jacob was rather terrified at this point. He sent away his servants and his family who carried all of his possessions w/ them, and we're left w/ the chilling, sobering words, "And Jacob was left alone," before the angelic visitor shows up for the showdown.
"(Do not) say in your heart, 'My power and the ability of my hand has gotten me this wealth. Remember the Lord your God, b/c He is the One Who gives you power to get wealth...," (Dt. 8:17-18)
Have you ever prided yourself in your abilities or your possessions? Have you ever stopped to consider that maybe you don't deserve half the credit you give yourself? As Jacob's wrestling match comes to an end, his competitor exclaims, "Let me go, already! The sun is about to rise!", but Jacob gives a resounding reply, "I will not let you go unless you bless me!" Why would Jacob ask for a blessing? He already got this from his father. What more could he ask for? A blessing from God, that's what. "No longer will your name be called Jacob, but Israel, b/c you have power like a prince w/ God and w/ men, and you have prevailed." (Gen. 32:28)
The heart of Jacob was nothing short of persistent, and he was blessed tremendously for this (as the Scripture goes, "The kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force." [Mt. 11:12]). This blessing did not come without a cost, however, and a great one, at that. Verse 25 of this chapter tells us that the stranger with whom he was wrestling touched the hollow of his thigh and put it out of joint, and we already know that Jacob was all by himself. To put it in short, Jacob had to be stripped of anything and everything until there was nothing left but him (ok, maybe not every single thing; the text seems to indicate he still got to keep his clothes, thank God). Jacob received a blessing from on high that would give him a sense of his true destiny - one that no man (not even his father), could give him - but he had to come to the utter end of himself to get there (and even then, the story tells us that he was left w/ a limp, probably as a solemn reminder from God to help keep him in humility).
So my friend said, "Never trust a man who walks without a limp," which is to say, never trust someone who acts like they have it all together. We are all broken vessels reeling from the fall. Our human efforts, no matter how noble, no matter how accoladed, still fall so short of the holiness, the splendor, the awesome power of Who God is (need some more Scriptures to chew on there? Ok - Rom. 3:23, Phil. 3:4-8, and while you're at it, consider Ex. 33:17-23 in light of Dt. 34:10). This is the art of gracefully coming undone, and the beauty of surrender.
"Great, Jimmy, but what does that have to do w/ the last two blogs?" Glad to hear you say that. I thought you'd never ask:) Throughout life, it's been easy for me to try to hide behind a shell of talents and potential, to say things just the right way so that people would like me, but still keep them at a safe distance. God's been teaching me a lot, however, about what it means to truly let go. It's not easy. I'm not gonna lie. There are still plenty of times when I want to keep my walls up, when I get frustrated trying to explain myself, when I feel like there's a wellspring of thoughts, ideas, opinions, and emotions within that I just don't know how to let out, when I want nothing more than to walk off to some cabin in the woods and drown myself in reading books, writing poems, playing my guitar, coming up with theories, solving puzzles, and just be left the heck alone. However.......I've come to believe that God makes each of us different in ways that benefit one another (so that we can learn to appreciate what each of us has to offer), and that require one another (lest we get too heady and highminded in our own right, thinking that we can make it through life just fine on our own).
I was recently at a Bible study that lasted a few hours. It's hard to say that there was a central point of discussion, even though we were all reading from a very specific passage. It was more like the conversation took various twists and turns, each of them enriching us with truth, despite how unrelated the wanderings of discussion may have seemed. Somebody brought up the point that walking in biblical community means living life without our masks (to paraphrase). "This is one of the things Scripture is talking about when it says 'iron sharpens iron'" the leader of the discussion pointed out. It suddenly hit me - iron sharpening iron, refining as gold, circumcision - the pictures God uses in Scripture to teach us about growth are anything but comfortable. Yes, there is a "balm of Gilead" to be poured out, but sometimes we forget that this anesthetic is administered after the surgery is finished.
I am reminded of something I've been saying for years, now, that if there's nothing that you're willing to die for, there's nothing you truly live for (that is, if you don't have a purpose in life that means so much to you that you would rather die than give it up, then you're obviously gripped by the fear of death; as long as fear has you in its grip, you will not know the fullness of life). Well, if I've been saying for so long that death is nothing to be afraid of, what's a little growing pain back down from, then? I will grow, I will move on in life, I will continue to have my struggles b/c I'm not perfect, but that's ok. I will live in such a way that no matter how hard I trip over myself and fall, my hope remains in Someone greater than myself. I'm learning to walk w/ a limp.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Edward Scissorhands (The art of gracefully coming undone, and the beauty of surrender [Part 2])
"But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?" - Rom. 9:20(NIV)
Have you ever had any questions about why you were put on this earth? Of course you have. Who hasn't? It seems a common thread in humanity to wonder at some level or another about who we are, where we came from, and why we are here.
I finally got to watch the movie Edward Scissorhands last year (well after its release in 1990, the movie buff blushingly admits). You probably know a little bit about this film even if you haven't seen it, but to fill you in, Edward is the creation of an inventor who lives on a hill removed from civilization. The inventor unexpectedly dies, however, before he gets a chance to put the finishing touches on this creation of his.
In form and function, Edward is every bit human, but there's one problem...he's stuck w/ having scissors for hands. As you might imagine, Edward's transition into civilization turns out to be a rather difficult one. The people who receive him are very gracious and welcoming, but being someone who isn't exactly normal means that adjusting to life in their world certainly won't happen automatically.
The irony of Edward's story is simply this. His disability actually turns out to be a tremendous gift, one that normal people don't have. By being accustomed to having scissors in place of hands, he is able to make elegant ice sculptures, elaborate hedge trimmings, and stylish hairdos, all w/ quickness and ease. As a result, people take quite a liking to him. They find it easy to accept him in an impersonal way b/c of how he benefits them, but life starts getting awkward for him again when it gets down to the personal level. He reaches forth to give a girl a kiss and accidentally cuts her cheek. He gets nervous styling someones hair and ends up nicking her ear. Above all, he finds it difficult learning all the "do's" and "don't's" that everyone picks up intuitively. He is, by all definitions, an outsider, and there's nothing that can be done to change that.
I can relate w/ Edward's story in a lot of ways. For me, it's been both a source of great joy, but also of great pain. As I mentioned in my earlier post (Wolverine), I'd been told all my life that I do quite well in certain areas of gifting, but not so well in others. The problem I had, however, is that pretty much every time I sat down and underwent some sort of aptitude evaluation, the person reviewing the results would always seem to say, "I honestly don't know what to make of you. I can tell you essentially what's going on w/ you, but as for why, I'm totally at a loss. This is unlike anything I've ever seen."
We've all heard the saying, that people fear what they don't understand. Consider this, then. There I was, being told over and over again by people w/ their masters degrees, doctorates, years of practice, etc., that they couldn't figure me out (that is, they couldn't understand me). This is coming from the people who you probably think would have some kind of a clue. So imagine how much more this was the case w/ your average person off the street. I knew from a very young age that I was different from the crowd, that I'd pick up on a lot of things most people wouldn't, and miss a lot of things that they would see as being obvious. I learned how to maneuver the waters just the right way to be well-liked and accepted, but there was no ignoring the fact that beneath the apparently calm surface, there was a torrent of fear, depression, and anger that I would deal w/ during the harder times in life as I didn't really know how to communicate my thoughts and feelings all that well. I found myself feeling very isolated on the level of the heart, struggling not to hate myself for my perceived incompetencies, and struggling not to hate God for making me the way He did. At times, I was hanging onto my faith by only a thread, and a very slippery one, at that. How could I find an end to all this chaos?
Have you ever had any questions about why you were put on this earth? Of course you have. Who hasn't? It seems a common thread in humanity to wonder at some level or another about who we are, where we came from, and why we are here.
I finally got to watch the movie Edward Scissorhands last year (well after its release in 1990, the movie buff blushingly admits). You probably know a little bit about this film even if you haven't seen it, but to fill you in, Edward is the creation of an inventor who lives on a hill removed from civilization. The inventor unexpectedly dies, however, before he gets a chance to put the finishing touches on this creation of his.
In form and function, Edward is every bit human, but there's one problem...he's stuck w/ having scissors for hands. As you might imagine, Edward's transition into civilization turns out to be a rather difficult one. The people who receive him are very gracious and welcoming, but being someone who isn't exactly normal means that adjusting to life in their world certainly won't happen automatically.
The irony of Edward's story is simply this. His disability actually turns out to be a tremendous gift, one that normal people don't have. By being accustomed to having scissors in place of hands, he is able to make elegant ice sculptures, elaborate hedge trimmings, and stylish hairdos, all w/ quickness and ease. As a result, people take quite a liking to him. They find it easy to accept him in an impersonal way b/c of how he benefits them, but life starts getting awkward for him again when it gets down to the personal level. He reaches forth to give a girl a kiss and accidentally cuts her cheek. He gets nervous styling someones hair and ends up nicking her ear. Above all, he finds it difficult learning all the "do's" and "don't's" that everyone picks up intuitively. He is, by all definitions, an outsider, and there's nothing that can be done to change that.
I can relate w/ Edward's story in a lot of ways. For me, it's been both a source of great joy, but also of great pain. As I mentioned in my earlier post (Wolverine), I'd been told all my life that I do quite well in certain areas of gifting, but not so well in others. The problem I had, however, is that pretty much every time I sat down and underwent some sort of aptitude evaluation, the person reviewing the results would always seem to say, "I honestly don't know what to make of you. I can tell you essentially what's going on w/ you, but as for why, I'm totally at a loss. This is unlike anything I've ever seen."
We've all heard the saying, that people fear what they don't understand. Consider this, then. There I was, being told over and over again by people w/ their masters degrees, doctorates, years of practice, etc., that they couldn't figure me out (that is, they couldn't understand me). This is coming from the people who you probably think would have some kind of a clue. So imagine how much more this was the case w/ your average person off the street. I knew from a very young age that I was different from the crowd, that I'd pick up on a lot of things most people wouldn't, and miss a lot of things that they would see as being obvious. I learned how to maneuver the waters just the right way to be well-liked and accepted, but there was no ignoring the fact that beneath the apparently calm surface, there was a torrent of fear, depression, and anger that I would deal w/ during the harder times in life as I didn't really know how to communicate my thoughts and feelings all that well. I found myself feeling very isolated on the level of the heart, struggling not to hate myself for my perceived incompetencies, and struggling not to hate God for making me the way He did. At times, I was hanging onto my faith by only a thread, and a very slippery one, at that. How could I find an end to all this chaos?
Monday, May 4, 2009
So what can you expect now that this blog is up?
Well, I will be posting here regularly, but to be a little more specific, I intend to have an average of no less than two posts per month. More often than not, however, I should have at least one or two up each week, a goal which will be much more easily accomplished once I've fully transitioned into my new role, of course:) A quick heads up, btw. I started working on something this morning which is still in progress. I just got back from a staff retreat, and a lot happened which I'd like to share about. However, "I just got back from a staff retreat," = I got back late last night, slept in this morning, and only had a little bit of time to write anything before going to work (so I now have what we in the blog world refer to as a "saved draft":). Like I said in an earlier post, being an aspiring writer, I prefer to take what I do seriously, so I try to put a good amount of effort into most of what I write.
So keep your eyes peeled for what I come up w/ this weekend, b/c another thing you can expect is that for the time being, most of what I write will not be posted during the week. Hope life is finding you well as you read this.
Post Note - The blog that you see below (Wolverine) is actually the one I was saying to keep your eyes peeled for. For some reason, it shows the date of when I started writing it, not when I actually posted. In all honesty, I doubt anyone's even paying that much attention to all of this, but hey, just in case, thought I'd clear things up for ya:-)
So keep your eyes peeled for what I come up w/ this weekend, b/c another thing you can expect is that for the time being, most of what I write will not be posted during the week. Hope life is finding you well as you read this.
Post Note - The blog that you see below (Wolverine) is actually the one I was saying to keep your eyes peeled for. For some reason, it shows the date of when I started writing it, not when I actually posted. In all honesty, I doubt anyone's even paying that much attention to all of this, but hey, just in case, thought I'd clear things up for ya:-)
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Wolverine (The art of gracefully coming undone, and the beauty of surrender.[Part 1])
"An announcement. If man is made in the image of God, then God is deeply messed up." - Syriana
How easy is it to sweep the hurts of the past under a rug without even realizing it? I was at a retreat w/ the staff of YWAM Coatesville this past weekend. We had a man and a woman share w/ us about understanding who we are in God's economy of things and how easy it is to lose sight of that w/ all the wounds and distractions life throws our way.
Now before I say anything else, I just want to clarify that in light of what I'm about to say, it's pure coincidence that the new X-men movie came out around this time. The couple started sharing w/ us on Saturday morning, and by the time dinner rolled around, we had been given a lot to wrestle w/. So I found myself sitting on a couch later on talking rather informally w/ the woman, one of the girls on staff, and another guy who joined us for the weekend. As the conversation carried on, I started to share about how I could really relate w/ the character Wolverine when I used to watch the animated X-Men cartoon series as a child. There was a guy who had a lot of anger issues, and if you didn't know him any better, you'd think that he was just mean to the core. Much of it was stemming from the pain of being different from the crowd, though, and if you paid attention to some of his other behavioral aspects (such as the way he related w/ Jean, who was very much like a little sister to him), you could see that he had a very sensitive side, as well. To put it simply, he recognized innocence and beauty, and he knew that he had to protect it.
I had to deal a lot w/ the feeling of being "different" when I was a child. There are a lot of details to it, but to give you the long in short, I was told all my life that I have a lot of strong points in terms of gifts and talents, but that there are a lot of areas in which I fall well behind the crowd, too. I have to admit, the feeling of being out-of-sync w/ everyone else was just adding fuel to the fire for me, as I often felt very frustrated just trying to work w/ what I had (communication problems, difficulty focusing, etc.). It wasn't until I was about 9, however, that things really began to erupt, and it took about 2 years for me to really get a grip on myself. The sad thing I had to come to realize, however, is that as much as I felt all fine and good in my own right having that part of me that also recognized innocence and beauty and knew that I needed to protect it (such as when somebody wanted to pick on another person in class who was in some way disabled, dysfunctional, or socially awkward), my anger, if left unresolved, would turn me into just as much of a monster...if not worse.
Many years have passed since then, and like I said (in a different sort of metaphor) it's easy to forget about all that was lost in the fire once the flames have cooled down over time. I started to realize some of the deeper hurts that were soothed, but not healed. I have to admit that as I wander back down the paths of my past, it's easy to feel like life is just one endless maze of knots waiting to be untied.......but is there and end to all the hurts and confusion we often find? (More to come)
How easy is it to sweep the hurts of the past under a rug without even realizing it? I was at a retreat w/ the staff of YWAM Coatesville this past weekend. We had a man and a woman share w/ us about understanding who we are in God's economy of things and how easy it is to lose sight of that w/ all the wounds and distractions life throws our way.
Now before I say anything else, I just want to clarify that in light of what I'm about to say, it's pure coincidence that the new X-men movie came out around this time. The couple started sharing w/ us on Saturday morning, and by the time dinner rolled around, we had been given a lot to wrestle w/. So I found myself sitting on a couch later on talking rather informally w/ the woman, one of the girls on staff, and another guy who joined us for the weekend. As the conversation carried on, I started to share about how I could really relate w/ the character Wolverine when I used to watch the animated X-Men cartoon series as a child. There was a guy who had a lot of anger issues, and if you didn't know him any better, you'd think that he was just mean to the core. Much of it was stemming from the pain of being different from the crowd, though, and if you paid attention to some of his other behavioral aspects (such as the way he related w/ Jean, who was very much like a little sister to him), you could see that he had a very sensitive side, as well. To put it simply, he recognized innocence and beauty, and he knew that he had to protect it.
I had to deal a lot w/ the feeling of being "different" when I was a child. There are a lot of details to it, but to give you the long in short, I was told all my life that I have a lot of strong points in terms of gifts and talents, but that there are a lot of areas in which I fall well behind the crowd, too. I have to admit, the feeling of being out-of-sync w/ everyone else was just adding fuel to the fire for me, as I often felt very frustrated just trying to work w/ what I had (communication problems, difficulty focusing, etc.). It wasn't until I was about 9, however, that things really began to erupt, and it took about 2 years for me to really get a grip on myself. The sad thing I had to come to realize, however, is that as much as I felt all fine and good in my own right having that part of me that also recognized innocence and beauty and knew that I needed to protect it (such as when somebody wanted to pick on another person in class who was in some way disabled, dysfunctional, or socially awkward), my anger, if left unresolved, would turn me into just as much of a monster...if not worse.
Many years have passed since then, and like I said (in a different sort of metaphor) it's easy to forget about all that was lost in the fire once the flames have cooled down over time. I started to realize some of the deeper hurts that were soothed, but not healed. I have to admit that as I wander back down the paths of my past, it's easy to feel like life is just one endless maze of knots waiting to be untied.......but is there and end to all the hurts and confusion we often find? (More to come)
Sunday, April 26, 2009
"So, Jimmy. Are you Jewish?"
I get that question a lot. I hear everything. "You look like you are." Really? Since when is having dark hair, Ashkenazic-ish complexion, and just overall good looks something that you rarely find in a non-Jew? (Ok, so I'm working on that last qualification, but still....) "But the way you think and talk, your gestures, your mannerisms...you're Jewish!" All I'm gonna say is I've been around the culture long enough. "You seem to have a strong understanding of Yiddishkeit, though (Definition - http://www.ou.org/about/judaism/yz.htm)." I'm sure you would, too, if you just read enough books and had enough conversations.
Look, the bottom line is simply this. No, I am not Jewish, and in my opinion, nothing I do will ever change that. Being Jewish is about being a bloodline descendant of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, b/c it was w/ them that God established His covenant, thereby creating the children of Israel (Gen. 12:1-3; 17:19-21; 28:10-15; 32:28). Even if I were to make a full conversion to Judaism, adopting all of the practices, that doesn't change anything as far as I'm concerned. A Jew is a Jew b/c he is born a Jew, the same thing goes for a Gentile, and to say anything to the contrary would make God out to be a liar in my mind.
That having been said, I feel it's important for you to understand that I do believe in Yeshua(Jesus) as the Jewish Messiah prophesied in the Hebrew Scriptures, through faith in the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, the God of Israel. Consider, if you were to visit someone's house w/ a friend of yours, who would be the most important person? More than likely you're going to say that nobody is more important than anybody else, and if you've said this, you've answered well. However, only one of these three people is the host, and is it not fair to say that you should honor this person? Likewise, there are many nations comprised of many individuals, all of whom are equally esteemed by God Almighty (II Chron. 19:7; Rom. 2:11). However, only one nation has been chosen to host us into the blessings of God, and no matter how many other guests we invite, the host is still the host. It only makes sense to me, then, that I should honor the host, the Jewish people, b/c in not doing so, not only am I showing disrespect to them, I'm acting in grievance against God.
So to answer your question one last time, no, I am not Jewish, but I am honored to be loved by the God of Israel through the redemption I've received from Him in the Messiah, Yeshua, and I feel so immeasurably indebted to let that be known amongst all peoples.
"Do not boast against the branches (the Jewish people). If you boast, remember, it isn't you that bears the root, but the root that bears you." - Rom. 11:18
Look, the bottom line is simply this. No, I am not Jewish, and in my opinion, nothing I do will ever change that. Being Jewish is about being a bloodline descendant of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, b/c it was w/ them that God established His covenant, thereby creating the children of Israel (Gen. 12:1-3; 17:19-21; 28:10-15; 32:28). Even if I were to make a full conversion to Judaism, adopting all of the practices, that doesn't change anything as far as I'm concerned. A Jew is a Jew b/c he is born a Jew, the same thing goes for a Gentile, and to say anything to the contrary would make God out to be a liar in my mind.
That having been said, I feel it's important for you to understand that I do believe in Yeshua(Jesus) as the Jewish Messiah prophesied in the Hebrew Scriptures, through faith in the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, the God of Israel. Consider, if you were to visit someone's house w/ a friend of yours, who would be the most important person? More than likely you're going to say that nobody is more important than anybody else, and if you've said this, you've answered well. However, only one of these three people is the host, and is it not fair to say that you should honor this person? Likewise, there are many nations comprised of many individuals, all of whom are equally esteemed by God Almighty (II Chron. 19:7; Rom. 2:11). However, only one nation has been chosen to host us into the blessings of God, and no matter how many other guests we invite, the host is still the host. It only makes sense to me, then, that I should honor the host, the Jewish people, b/c in not doing so, not only am I showing disrespect to them, I'm acting in grievance against God.
So to answer your question one last time, no, I am not Jewish, but I am honored to be loved by the God of Israel through the redemption I've received from Him in the Messiah, Yeshua, and I feel so immeasurably indebted to let that be known amongst all peoples.
"Do not boast against the branches (the Jewish people). If you boast, remember, it isn't you that bears the root, but the root that bears you." - Rom. 11:18
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)