These Lamps On My Feet

Another Myspace extraction. This one was written in July '06, when I was putting myself to the challenge of writing at least two blogs per day (hence the mention of specific deadlines). I had no clue that it would be the beginning of a journey in faith which lasts to this very day (had I know, I probably would've been a little more hesitant to write, hehehe :o) ...........

Ok, this is actually cheating when you look at the heart of the matter here, but the funny thing about rules is that it's so easy to find the loopholes which totally defeats the point for making the rules to begin with (by cheating I'm referring to the fact that I'm actually getting ready to say something rather deep & theological & all backed up w/ Scripture...ok, well, hypotheticaly at least...but I have....HOLY CRAP!!! 15 MIN! That's about how much time I have left to meet my 2-blog-minimum requirement for today. So the cheat factor? Basically I'm trying to write about something that's too deep to be truly finished in that amount of time, but in order for the blog to be legitimate, it still has to read as a complete thought. So basically this is going to be a micro-blog [i.e. a microwaved blog vs. an oven-cooked one]. Ah, well. You're the only one that's suffering from that, not me, so I guess that makes it ok, right? I take well to the thought of putting others before myself. I mean, come on, isn't it obvious?).

Wow! Did I just write all of that in parentheses? Lame. Way lame. That is no accomplishment for someone in my situation. DEAR GOD, PLEASE HELP ME!!!! ALL MY RAMBLING JUST COST ME 3 MORE MINUTES, AND I NEVER EVEN ONCE STARTED WHAT IN ABOUT 12 MINUTES NEEDS TO BE A COMPLETE THOUGHT! Did I mention I'm also very good at time management? No? Well you knew that, too.

Ok, so my thought. What are these lamps on my feet? I mean, seriously, I'm not joking, and this is a riddle. I'm out on a dusty road, it's well past sundown, and what are these lamps doing on my feet? The riddle - who am I?

Let that thought sink in. Now, I don't think I'm gonna have time to get the reference for this (I'm also a good journalist, you know, making sure I have all my research before me in time to meet deadlines? Oh yeah! Smokin! I am what they call in my culture "the man", and I am only saying that b/c I am ever so humble as to care that you should be so informed:)~ There's a good chance you've heard the saying, that there's a way that seems right to a man, but the end of it is destruction. On the other hand, narrow is the path to life, and there are only so few that find it. If you've ever seen Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, you might even remember a seen towards the end that illustrates this point (the clue is diamond-studded cup).

So what does that have to do w/ these lamps on my feet, & could somebody please answer the riddle and tell me who I am!?! I'm having an identity crisis, here! Well, about the lamps, does it remind you of any verses in the Bible (or songs by Amy Grant that are, oh, I don't know, directly related to the passage in reference)? It's in Psalms ("Tehillim" as some of you might know the "sefer", random fact of the day for you all of you little Hebrew scholars [you're something I am most certainly not, you've got me there]:). Here it is (exact reference not included;sorry, 4 minutes to go): "Your Word is as a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path." Now, who in here guessed that in the riddle, I am the Psalmist, David? Anybody? Anybody? EEEEENNNNGGGHH! Wrong answer (come on, I'm a sucker-puncher, what were you expecting?). But did you guest that I was one of the priests in "Old Testament" times? Wow! I'm impressed.

The priests would have a small oil lamp at the end of their sandals (as my understanding of the story goes) to give them just enough light for the next step, and the point of this is that God intends us for adventure. That's right, think about it. If I already know what's going to happen, what adventure is there? What need do I have to trust in God? But if all I see is just enough light for the next step...hmm...I dunno. I don't think most of us would sign up for that insurance policy. But what truly great story exists without the element of dire risk added to the conflict, where you somehow know (as if by faith) that things will turn out alright in the end? This is where I'm at right now, this is where I want to live the rest of my life, and I invite you to try on a pair of these sandals.

Blind Excavation of an Undead Heart

Ok, guilty confession. I'm not writing anything fresh, here, b/c to do so would be compromising value (the month's been very busy, so I haven't had the time to come up w/ something decent). Nevertheless, the material is fresh on this blog. I dug this out from something I wrote on Myspace almost 3 years ago. It explains the beginning of a journey I've been on which culminated in my decision to study math & physics. I felt like it was good for me to re-visit this, so I thought I'd share it w/ you here, too....

Hmm...what am I trying to write here? Good question, huh? Yes? No? Well, I don't care what your answer is. It's not you I'm asking that question to, obviously, therefore I am the judge and I say it's a good one. Seriously, though. For me it is. See, I've been going through a lot of changes in my perspectives on life, lately. It's kinda hard to explain, really, at least in a nutshell...then again, EVERYTHING's hard for me to explain in a nutshell. Basically what I'm getting at is this. We grow up, we grow old, we eat, we sleep, we live, we breathe, we die. Somewhere between kindergarten and the memorial service, we forget who we are, we forget what we are, and for that matter, we forget that we once knew why we exist. Ok, I'm trying not to make that sound to cliche, but seriously. We start off in life so young, fresh, full of ideas and excitement, then we just get distracted from all of that.

I took a trip to the National Air and Space Museum the other week, just for the heck of it. How often do you do that in your busy life, just do something b/c you feel like doing it? I haven't done that much lately. So I went, truth be told I actually just went b/c I wanted to get this stuff called "space ice cream" which I hadn't had in forever (give or take a few years, of course). It was so nice just to remember what it was like being a kid again. The world looked so different in a way. Memories were coming back to me that I hadn't thought of in years, so vividly it was as if I was re-living them. It was so strange, I couldn't explain it all, only that I was starting to regain a certain sense of purpose, the path of which I had been distracted from a long time ago, and it's taking me on a journey which I didn't anticipate. I don't know where this journey leads, but I want to find out. Am I beginning again, or am I merely continuing, having been on pause all these years? I don't know, but I'm glad to know that I'm gonna find out.

Anyway, so much more I could say, but that'll come later. Let me know your thoughts, if maybe you've been experiencing the same thing, yourself. I'd love to hear.

(excerpt from a comment I made in response to someone's question):

I've dealt w/ a lot of frustration over the fact that I know I'm gifted in a way that's rare, but how all of my giftings are supposed to function harmoniously remained a mystery to me. Then I realized that what's always fascinated me, be it about math, science, ancient history,...about God...is this whole idea of mystery, that there's so much we don't know. Throughout my entire life, I've always loved to challenge people's assumptions and shatter their illusions, and now I'm starting to understand why. Beyond that, it's a long story, but the nutshell is that my heart is returning to that place of wonder, being fascinated by the Creator when beholding His creation, and I'm learning that while I may have chosen writing as my focus in life instead of some field of science, I can still study about the things that fascinate me and express it in my writing. Thanks for asking:)