"But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?" - Rom. 9:20(NIV)
Have you ever had any questions about why you were put on this earth? Of course you have. Who hasn't? It seems a common thread in humanity to wonder at some level or another about who we are, where we came from, and why we are here.
I finally got to watch the movie Edward Scissorhands last year (well after its release in 1990, the movie buff blushingly admits). You probably know a little bit about this film even if you haven't seen it, but to fill you in, Edward is the creation of an inventor who lives on a hill removed from civilization. The inventor unexpectedly dies, however, before he gets a chance to put the finishing touches on this creation of his.
In form and function, Edward is every bit human, but there's one problem...he's stuck w/ having scissors for hands. As you might imagine, Edward's transition into civilization turns out to be a rather difficult one. The people who receive him are very gracious and welcoming, but being someone who isn't exactly normal means that adjusting to life in their world certainly won't happen automatically.
The irony of Edward's story is simply this. His disability actually turns out to be a tremendous gift, one that normal people don't have. By being accustomed to having scissors in place of hands, he is able to make elegant ice sculptures, elaborate hedge trimmings, and stylish hairdos, all w/ quickness and ease. As a result, people take quite a liking to him. They find it easy to accept him in an impersonal way b/c of how he benefits them, but life starts getting awkward for him again when it gets down to the personal level. He reaches forth to give a girl a kiss and accidentally cuts her cheek. He gets nervous styling someones hair and ends up nicking her ear. Above all, he finds it difficult learning all the "do's" and "don't's" that everyone picks up intuitively. He is, by all definitions, an outsider, and there's nothing that can be done to change that.
I can relate w/ Edward's story in a lot of ways. For me, it's been both a source of great joy, but also of great pain. As I mentioned in my earlier post (Wolverine), I'd been told all my life that I do quite well in certain areas of gifting, but not so well in others. The problem I had, however, is that pretty much every time I sat down and underwent some sort of aptitude evaluation, the person reviewing the results would always seem to say, "I honestly don't know what to make of you. I can tell you essentially what's going on w/ you, but as for why, I'm totally at a loss. This is unlike anything I've ever seen."
We've all heard the saying, that people fear what they don't understand. Consider this, then. There I was, being told over and over again by people w/ their masters degrees, doctorates, years of practice, etc., that they couldn't figure me out (that is, they couldn't understand me). This is coming from the people who you probably think would have some kind of a clue. So imagine how much more this was the case w/ your average person off the street. I knew from a very young age that I was different from the crowd, that I'd pick up on a lot of things most people wouldn't, and miss a lot of things that they would see as being obvious. I learned how to maneuver the waters just the right way to be well-liked and accepted, but there was no ignoring the fact that beneath the apparently calm surface, there was a torrent of fear, depression, and anger that I would deal w/ during the harder times in life as I didn't really know how to communicate my thoughts and feelings all that well. I found myself feeling very isolated on the level of the heart, struggling not to hate myself for my perceived incompetencies, and struggling not to hate God for making me the way He did. At times, I was hanging onto my faith by only a thread, and a very slippery one, at that. How could I find an end to all this chaos?
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